Voyeur
by Eternitys End
Summary: He's vain. He lives to be noticed. He's an actor in some morbid play, where only he knows the plotline. So why do I find myself watching him?


_Title:  Voyeur_

_Author:  Eternitys End_

_Anime:  Weiss Kreuz_

_Rating: PG _

_Genre: Angst/Romance_

_Warnings:  Yaoi.  Psychological examination._

_Spoilers:  Some regarding Aya's past._

_Disclaimer:  I do not own Weiss Kreuz.  Project Weiss and others do._

_Pairings:  Aya/Youji Youji/Aya_

_Note:  This is the sequel/companion to Exhibitionist._

_Voyeur:_

He's vain. 

He's an exhibitionist.

He's an actor in some morbid play, where only he knows the plotline.  

He goes out of his way to get attention.

The only one he's truly attracted to is himself.

He's in love with himself, but at least that means he always loves someone...

And he's always loved in return…

It's more than I can say.

But that doesn't excuse his actions.

He's too well acquainted with "I" statements.  He attracts attention on purpose.  That's too dangerous in our profession.

He's going to get himself killed.  

Not that I would care, so long as it doesn't interfere with a mission or the team.

But it would interfere.  We wouldn't be Weiss without him.  

That's why I care.  It's the only reason I care.

He's going to get himself killed.

I can't let him.  It would be a domino effect.  One by one we'd be picked off.

And I can't die, not yet.

I can't fail, not yet.

He's everything I despise.

He's everything I'm not.

He's everything I'm not allowed to be.

So why do I watch him?  I'm not jealous.  I don't want to be like him.  Even if he does have complete freedom, he has nothing to live for.  I have two.  Does anyone honestly want to be so completely unattached that his entire life is a struggle to be noticed?  There's nothing to him, he's a shell of drinking, of fooling around, and of killing.  

I'm a shell of killing.  But somewhere, I know I'm still a big brother.  I'm still important to someone.  At least, I hope that I am.  When she wakes up, then I'll know.  I'll see if I still possess a heart.  If I'm still a big brother.  

Poor Youji.  He's not important to anyone.  Is he important to me?  He would be, if I still possessed those feelings.  When Aya wakes up, then maybe he will be.  

He gets by with people's attentions.  I think that he's deluding himself, that he's pretending to be important to all those people.  He's lonely.  He's hiding.

He's infuriating.  He may as well be a circus animal, a freak show.  He performs for the crowd.  He draws an audience and spends his time trying to keep it.  He has everyone enthralled.  

Except me.

I'm exactly what he wants.  The one he hasn't caught.  The last fly to avoid his web.  

I'm the last obstacle.  That's why he wants me.  He works so hard to get me.  He hasn't.

If he had me interested, he'd have the world.  Is he really that hard to resist?  Is he that great?  

I'm immune.

  
 Because I'm just an obstacle.

I'm just an obstacle to him, what he does won't affect me.

Why does he get under my skin?  

I can's stop watching him.  What is this fascination?  I can't be pulled in.  

I won't contribute to his shallow demands.

I can't stop watching.  I'm fascinated. 

I'll watch.  It's fine.

I just won't be caught.

Lately, he's been around more.  It's like I've become the sole audience to his performance.  I should be bothered.  I should be indifferent, worried, disgusted.  I should feel something, something negative.

I don't know what I should be.

I shouldn't be this.

  
I shouldn't be interested.  I shouldn't be pleased.  I shouldn't be responding.

He's changing for me.  He's working so hard to catch my attention.  He's trying to catch me.  The last fly for his web.  The trophy.

He only loves himself.

So why does he still get under my skin?

I'll just encourage him.  I don't crumble because he looks my way.  I'm not affected by a tall, lithe frame.  I'm not invited by gleaming emerald eyes.  I hardly notice his grace, his charisma, and his beauty.  

I'm not addicted to the sound of my name on his lips.  

Maybe there's something there.  Maybe he feels something for someone beside himself.

Maybe, this attention he's giving me, what he pretends to feel for me, is real.

It's a long shot.  It's a risk.

I'm not about to take it.  I can't die yet.  I can't fail yet.  I can't fall in love yet.

My life is not my own, not yet.

But I'll watch.  And maybe, he won't move own.  

I'm being foolish.

He'll move on, unsuccessful, and I'll just watch.

He'll never know.

                                                                                      --end voyeur—

_A/N:  I don't have plans to continue.  Reviews might change that, though._


End file.
